HDoMs and Rowing Boats

Sometimes you just have horrible days and misunderstandings. Sometimes there is a surgery going on in the middle of that horrible day of misunderstanding. And you’ll spend the next 24 hours in a post op dilaudid and then vicodine haze of crying and feeling lonely and left. You’ll realize you could have handled the situation better but you logically know that in that moment of the catalyst for the Horrible Day of Misunderstandings (HDoMs) there was no way for you to realize how to handle it because of the Horrible Night of Pre Op Prep. 
And then you reconvene the next night and you cry some more while you push and push and finally POP. BAM. Crumbling down go the walls and you realize that you have a lot more to realize about each other. That’s okay. You’re a team. Sometimes one of you will be mean and angry and seem to be blowing the other person off. So you say to your teammate that you need them to take a breath, reorient. And then you ask what’s wrong. And then you ask them for what it was you needed from them.
It’s an ebb and a flow. And you’re on the boat together. Are you with me so far? You’re a team and you’re on this boat of a relationship going with the ebbs and the flows and learning how to be there and show up on those HDoMs. But don’t ever bail. Don’t try to get in another boat and row away because you feel wronged. Slap that person upside the head with your oar and say “no! we are rowing this thing together! help me. help you.” 

help me…help you.